By David Zinczenko
Everybody thinks they can spot a cheater a mile away. Adulterers, after all, have the same characteristics, right? Wandering eyes, secret cell phones, last name Sheen. If only it were that easy.
Unfortunately, we live in a society where people fall out of their fidelity flight patterns and take off on their own different courses all the time, even though we desperately want to believe that our partners won't be unfaithful. That's why it's important to know some of the traits and sneaky signals that are common in people who tend to be unfaithful in the relationships.
Now, I'm not suggesting you automatically end your relationship if your partner falls into one of these categories, but I do think that these are some signs you should be aware of - so you can be on the lookout for warnings of wandering.
Cheating Sign #1: He Doesn't Pay His Bills On Time
Some research shows that unreliability and carelessness is part of a personality trait called "low consciousness," which is a marker for infidelity. Makes sense. A guy who's careless about his own responsibilities is going to be just as careless about his relationships.
Cheating Sign #2: He's A Do-Gooder
What? Your guy contributes to the local orchestra fund, the church, and the alumni association, plus he volunteers to build houses for the homeless. How could a guy like that give into the temptation of midnight motel rooms?
A study just published in the November issue of the Journal of Applied Psychology found that when there's a blurry line between right and wrong (as there often is with matters of infidelity), the people who become the worst cheaters are actually the ones who think of themselves as having the highest moral standards.
Why? The speculation is that these people can justify their wrongdoings with explanations that they weren't doing anything wrong at all. Simply put, not following the Monogamy Rules (a faithfully popular Men's Health story) makes it hard for the Do-Gooder to live in his skin.
Cheating Sign #3: He's Rolling In The Dough
A study in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy found that those people who earned more money were more likely to cheat than those who earned less. It's not because they have more income to open new credit cards, carry more cash, or spend more coin on mistress gifts. Some researchers theorize that those with lower salaries - and thus those who are more dependent on others in a relationship - are less likely to risk ruining the relationship.
Cheating Sign #4: He's A Yeller
While yelling and anger may not seem to be all that connected to cheating, a recent Australian study found that unfaithful partners show many of the same personality characteristics as abusive ones. Those who are more likely to be abusive (verbally or physically) are simply more likely to be unfaithful. What's already bad has the potential of getting even worse.
Cheating Sign #5: He's A Mirror Hog
Some research has shown that the single biggest trait of cheaters is-surprise, surprise-narcissism. These self-loving folks are so wrapped up in their own self-importance that they don't even consider the effect that cheating has on the other person. So what if I stray and have the occasional one-nightstand? I deserve to be happy. Have you seen these guns, baby!
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COMMENT: Those are also all qualities typical of born psychopaths. See Hervey Cleckley's Mask of Sanity or Robert Hare's Without Conscience.
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